


The Bitter Blue Breakaway

by crateredcallisto



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam (Voltron) Lives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Lance (Voltron), Arson, Assassination, Assassination Attempt(s), BAMF Lance (Voltron), Betrayal, Black Paladin Keith (Voltron), Blood and Gore, Dark Lance (Voltron), Depressed Lance (Voltron), Distrust, Emotional Hurt, Evil Lance (Voltron), Galra Keith (Voltron), Gore, Hurt Allura (Voltron), Hurt Hunk (Voltron), Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Pidge | Katie Holt, Hurt Shiro (Voltron), I Don't Understand Politics So I Wrote Alien Politics, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Is Trying, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Killing, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Deserves Better, Lance (Voltron) Has Self-Esteem Issues, Lance (Voltron) Is Not Okay, Lance (Voltron) is So Done, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Mental Anguish, Murder, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Keith/Lance (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Red Paladin Lance (Voltron), Slow To Update, The Lions Are Females, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Voltron Coalition, Voltron Lions as Actual Lions, but just briefly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2020-09-29 20:29:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20442062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crateredcallisto/pseuds/crateredcallisto
Summary: Anger is just one letter short of Danger.And by god, Lance was going to make it count.





	1. Playlist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao icame up with this idea about a year ago, so if some of the plot points are kind of stupid then idk

_Playlist for this Work_

_ **lontalius - sleep thru ur alarms** _

_ **girl in red - summer depression** _

_ **Sufjan Stevens - Vesuvius** _

_ **Chase Atlantic - Friends** _

_ **half alive - still feel** _

_ **fog lake - holy cross** _

_ **Foals - Black Gold** _

** _Jacob Lee - Black Sheep_ **

** _Strange Talk - So So LaLa_ **

** _Cloudeater - Hollow_ **

** _Innerpartysystem - Structure_ **

** _Lord Huron - Frozen Pines_ **

** _Little Red Lung - Fangs_ **

Playlist will be edited as each chapter is posted.


	2. Chapter 1 // Losing My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the insight into Lance's feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha ha what's sleep
> 
> sorry this first chapter is short, the chapters will get progressively longer as the story goes on

_——————※——————_

_"Thoughts that go like bullets through you_

_The time you told me that you wish you were dead_

_What's a broken arm when you can't stop choosing to sleep through your alarms?_

_Man, you're losing your head"_

_~ sleep thru ur alarms by lontalius ~_

_——————※——————_

Yellow and orange with a hint of pink. Two images, one was above and clear, and the other was below and distorted, merely a reflection. The dim light was enough to faintly illuminate his tan skin. Soft sand was beneath him, his feet sinking slightly. There was a breeze gentle enough to slightly lift and drop his brown hair. Nostalgic tears of quiet joy lined the bottom of two swirling blue eyes. He watched from the beach as the sun inched slowly down to the horizon. He was safe and content.

A loud noise blared abruptly, disturbing this serene peace. The sky turned red, but it was sudden, and too red. The ground opened up from under him, or rather, it shattered under him. The sand wasn’t sand at all; it was glass that looked like sand from above. But it had felt real, it looked real, and he was so sure that the sand originally wasn’t just one big, connected shard of glass. Hadn’t the ‘sand’ individually fallen around and on top of his feet when they sunk down into it? There wasn’t much time to ponder this, as he was falling through pitch darkness. He felt a little like when Alice fell down the rabbit hole, except there was nothing, not even light, to be seen anywhere. He continued to fall,

And fall,

And fall,

Right off of his bed and onto the cool, metal floor.

The Castle of Lions’ alarm was louder than in the dream, in which sounds from the waking world are sort of faint. Groaning, Lance pushed himself up from the floor and threw his blanket back on the bed. He stood and, stretching his arms up high, cracked his back with a yawn. The yawn made some weird feeling in his ears that muffled the alarms until the yawn was finished. 

_"Paladins! There is no attack or emergency! Only a wake-up call. I repeat, there is no emergency,"_ Coran's energetic voice boomed from the intercoms and all throughout the Castleship. Lance audibly sighed in relief. He turned and opened the Altean version of a dresser, revealing his casual outfit that he had worn when Blue first launched him into space. After changing from his pajamas into clothes, Lance shut the alien dresser gently. But, those pajamas weren’t his, he hadn’t brought them here with him from Earth. They used to belong to the paladins of old, so they didn’t really belong to Lance. These pajamas were scratchy and definitely unlike any clothing back home. He missed his light grey shirt, which he wore at night, and his soft, pastel blue, ufo-themed pajama pants. They were comfortable and calming, and they fit his aesthetic. 

Lance exited his room with a mechanical swish of the automatic door. Then again, it wasn’t his room. His real bedroom was back on Earth, in Cuba, with baby blue walls, a NASA themed bunk bed, and glow stars stuck to the ceiling.

Lance lazily walked towards the dining hall, stumbling tiredly every few minutes. He slowed to a near stop as familiar doors opened by themselves, and then headed inside. He grabbed a bowl of food goo and, with a strained smile, plopped down into his chair between Pidge and Hunk. No one smiled at him or acknowledged his presence. Hunk was writing a list for Pidge filled with science stuff that Lance never bothered trying to understand, while Shiro, Allura and Coran were discussing diplomacy, battle tactics, and… mustache care?? Pidge had fallen asleep in her food goo, most likely because she was awake and busy all night coding, though there have been many times where Lance caught her playing an illegal version of Tetris or watching one of Matt’s many favorite animes. By the way, how was Pidge able to watch anime, Naruto no less, all the way out here in space?! Anyway, no one had noticed him, and Lance bet with everything he had that if Keith was here, he wouldn’t bother to care either.

Lance didn’t mind, though. He was used to being ignored on the Castleship. He sat quietly and ate his breakfast. 

Lance knew he was depressed, he was officially diagnosed a few years ago, right before the Garrison. He knew he had depression, and he knew it was getting worse. He used to always keep a bottle of his antidepressants in his jacket pocket, but he ran out of them a long time ago. He couldn't afford to try and seek out any at the space mall, because he didn't even know if they would work, if his system would react negatively because they were foreign _(literally—)_, you get the gist. Besides, it would just be too risky in terms of the people sitting around him.

He couldn't tell the team. Not even Hunk knew, and he was Lance's best friend, but now Lance was having doubts about that. He didn't want to be more of a burden than he already was. He was pretty sure they would tell him to _stop being dramatic, Lance! What is it with you and demanding attention? Just shut up and focus on the war._

Lance sighed quietly. He stood and pushed his chair back with one hand, empty bowl in the other, before walking across the room to place the bowl and spoon gingerly inside the Castleship's automatic washer. Lance headed over to the door to leave, but he stopped to look back sadly at the table. As far as he could tell, no one had even realized he'd been there. Lance glanced back down, not looking at anything in particular, and headed out into the long, dark, empty halls of the Castleship. 

Lance understood those halls. He could relate to them, in a sad, corny sort of way.

After about a minute or two of standing there like a complete idiot, Lance finally decided to hit up the training deck.

These days, now that Keith was off doing some freaky space ninja missions like Batman or something, Lance could often be found on the training deck. Surprised? Yeah well, of course the others would probably think he was lying or trying to impress them. 

And since no one really occupied the training deck, Lance was there to take his mind off of his own mental state _(having to take your mind off your mind? Funny, I know—)_ and, more importantly, improve his fighting skills and techniques.

Lance couldn't think as he approached the automatic doors to the training deck. He took off his jacket and made sure that the long, blue sleeves of his white shirt hadn't rolled up to reveal any.... scarring. Lance threw his jacket onto one of the metal benches on the side of the room and summoned his bayard. 

_I need to work on close combat._

Changing his bayard from its dormant form into the red, Altean broadsword that he had unlocked not too long ago, he moved to stand in the middle of the room.

"Begin training level 3, bot type: gladiator," he called.

A small section of the ceiling opened up as a white and yellow droid dropped through and landed in a crouch, closing back up after. 

The gladiator lifted its head, and the round, eye-like light in the middle _(__not unlike a cyclops—)_ glowed a vibrant red.

Lance quickly fell into a traditional fighter's stance, and stood determinedly as the the tall Altean droid charged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ........
> 
> lance relates to the halls of the castleship cause he's a long boi
> 
> ha, i really need to stop working on several works at a time and just focus on one until its completed and /then/ work on the next one
> 
> but will i stop? no 
> 
> i literally have a klance one-shot sitting in my drafts that i've been working on for five months. FIVE FUCKING MONTHS. but it'll be worth it :')


	3. Chapter 2 // I Just Want To Disappear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red cares for Lance, even if it means protecting him from his own team.
> 
> **tw for minor injuries and blood**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me @ my depression, anxiety, and motivation issues: hey there demons, it's me, ya boi

——————※——————

_"Pretty face with pretty bad dreams_

_No one knows I cry in my sleep_

_Waking up feeling like shit_

_It's a normal thing to feel like this"_

_~ summer depression by girl in red ~_

——————※——————

The floor was cold and inviting, and the gentle, thrumming vibrations of the Castleship engines could be felt through the metal surface. Thick, red liquid pooled slowly around his head, arms _(where some of his newer cuts had reopened—)_, and torso. Laying in the middle of the training room after a session seemed pretty ideal to Lance, except for the fact that he was superficially bleeding out. 

It wasn't life-threatening or anything, he just got thrown around for a bit, no biggie. 

By now he had learned to expect some sort of interruption from moments of painful peace like this, and just then the intercoms crackled to life with chiming noises in the order of some melody. These were different from the Castle's alarms, because these alerted everyone that it was time for team bonding. Lance remembered that today they were supposed to practice an Altean version of soul searching, which required the paladins to virtually travel to one paladin's mind together and visit that person's memories and emotions. 

Well that definitely wasn't going to end well for Lance.

"Nooooooo..." Lance protested, as if someone was attempting to wake him up and get him out of bed while he stubbornly refused. Either way, Lance forced himself up off the ground, finding that his pain wasn't actually bad. He staggered over to the emergency med kit on the wall next the bench with his jacket. Opening it, he grabbed the disinfectant spray and several roll of white bandages, and he lifted the bottom of his shirt to hold it in his teeth. He sprayed the disinfectant along the cut in his side and wrapped his waist with one of the rolls, effectively covering and protecting the wound. He did the same to his wrists and forehead, except the latter only got nicked a few times, so he grabbed a couple Altean band aids and put them on by looking into the small wall mirror next to the med kit.

Lance grimaced when he saw the dark bags under his eyes. He'd been training at night sometimes _(which didn't always go the way he wanted—)_, and hadn't really been able to catch up on much sleep due to all the drills and missions they had to go on. He wrenched himself away from the mirror to wipe all traces of blood off the floor.

Lance quickly grabbed his jacket and made a beeline for his room to change into his armor, just in case. As he pulled on the armor plates over the black, spandex suit, he could hear a few laughs from Pidge, Hunk and Allura in the hall.

Lance _really_ didn't want to do this.

**It's alright, Leandro.**

Lance's eyebrows shot up as he suddenly felt the feeling of fire course through him, pulsing warmly. 

_Red? Is that you?_

A gentle, rumbling purr erupted from his lion as she mentally headbutted him softly.** I know you hate this kind of training, so I would like to help by closing your mind off from the others.**

_Really? Thanks Red!_ She nuzzled him through their bond, and Lance began to feel the fiery aura surround him like a shield.

With a deep breath, he left his room and made for the training deck once again. As he stepped inside, he spotted the four annoyed expressions on the other paladins' faces, all directed at him. Freezing, Lance cleared his throat uncomfortably. 

"Hey guys, uh... sorry I'm a little late, my armor was being stubborn," he forced out, holding up two weak finger guns.

"Geez, Lance. Stop making excuses, you're always late," Pidge scoffed.

Lance flinched, but didn't say anything. He wasn't going to risk his friends being even more annoyed with him. Instead, he trudged over to join the circle that the others made. Plopping down in between Shiro and Pidge, Lance grabbed the last Altean headset and slipped it on.

_"Alright everyone! You will use the mind-melds to travel virtually to one of your minds. And remember that the key here of this is focus and trust!"_ Coran's voice chirped through the intercoms, as he was stationed in the training deck's control room that overlooked the deck. _"First up, Pidge!"_

They all focused really hard on Pidge through their bond with Voltron. Not long after, they all had been safely transported to her mindscape, with Lance and Shiro being a little late. Pidge gasped, tears gathering in her amber eyes, as she came face-to-face with the building in front of her.

"This... this was my first home in Italy," she said. "We moved to the US when I was 8. I've always wanted to come back here." 

Lance tuned everything out in favor of observing the green plants that scaled up brick walls and the sky above him, dotted with clouds that scuttled slowly across the endless ocean of pale blue. Time passed by quickly, or Lance was distracted enough that it seemed to be that way, as Lance had wandered around with the others through each of their minds. Suddenly, their consciousness' were all brought back into their own bodies, leaving Lance as the last one to have his mind showcased. 

Lance could tell that the other paladins were struggling this time. Their faces were all scrunched up and tightened. 

"What the—" Pidge breathed. The others were just as confused as he was. Every time they tried to enter, some force field seemed to knock them back. 

"Why can't we get in?" Hunk asked. 

Lance laughed a little nervously. "Maybe we're all just... tired?" he lied.

Coran hummed thoughtfully through the speakers. _"Perhaps."_

Allura looked up. "No, this feels... different. We're being pushed away as if there is some force preventing us from entering your mind." She thought for a second. "It's the Red Lion, I can sense its conscience surrounding Lance."

_Shit._

"Really? Why would she do that?" Lance laughed nervously.

Pidge pushed her glasses up to the bridge of her nose and glared at him. "I don't know, Lance. Why don't you ask her? She's your Lion."

"Yeah, but I don't wanna make her mad at me," he lied.

"Jesus, Lance. So what if she bites your head off? It would at least do the rest of us a favor by not having to hear you run your mouth all the time." 

Hunk's eyes widened and he gave the Green Paladin a desperate look. "Pidge!" he hissed.

Pidge seemed confused for a moment before realization struck her, twisting her expression. "Oh. Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night and I'm tired, and this mind meld thing is getting on my nerves. I'm also worried about Matt, y'know with that mission he's on and all, and I'm stressing the fuck out."

Lance blinked, surprised, and then forced a smile onto his face. "It's ok, Pidge, I get it."

But he knew she was right, and he knew that Hunk pitied him. It was pretty clear by the way he had not-so-subtly warned Pidge just now. 

Red growled in his mind, angry. **That is NOT true.**

_Maybe, but the others don't seem to agree._

The beeping of a comm interrupted them and Lance couldn't have been more relieved. Allura tapped the tiny device on her wrist, and a small, holographic screen popped up, hovering over her hand. It showed the inside of a cell located in the brig, and the prisoner inside. The cells had a button that allowed whoever was being held to contact the one keeping them in, in case of emergency or if the prisoner decided they wanted to give information.

_"My apologies for the interruption, Princess Allura, but I really must speak with you about the current... situation with my father."_

Lance had never liked Lotor, but for the first time ever he was actually thankful that he was there to remove the attention from him. 

"Alright, I'll be there shortly," Allura sighed, and the comm cut. She stood up while glaring at Lance with suspicion, before turning and leaving the room. The other paladins followed her, Lance trailing behind them, but he broke off soon after to head to his bedroom. 

No one bothered to retrieve him when they made the decision to trust Lotor and discuss the ordeal of Zarkon's offer to trade Pidge's father for Lotor. Lance was only called down after everything had been decided and they needed backup after being double-crossed.

Lance was only needed because he just so happened to pilot the Red Lion.

Nothing more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i accidentally split my hand open yesterday oops :/


	4. Chapter 3 // I Cannot be Made to Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More insight into Lance's feelings.

——————※——————

_"Vesuvius, I am here_

_You are all that I have_

_Fire of fire, I'm insecure_

_For it is all been made to plan"_

_~ Vesuvius by Sufjan Stevens ~_

——————※——————

Lance was no stranger to the thoughts that he wasn't good enough to be a paladin, or the debilitating, hollow feelings that spread throughout his chest, leaving him floating throughout a desolate void. Empty of stars, empty of sensation, empty of light, yet Lance could still see himself hovering in the middle of pitch black nothing. Nothing. No oxygen to breathe, nothing to see, nowhere to go. It was all empty.

The most he ever left his room was when he was needed for a mission, or when he snuck a bowl of food goo after not showing up to eat meals alongside his fellow paladins. Otherwise, he'd stay curled up in his bed, clinging onto his pillow for comfort, and now was one of those times.

Tonight, he found himself thinking back to the time when these feelings were present, but not as strong as they were now. Specifically to the time when he talked to Keith about his place on the team, suggesting that he step down so that he couldn't get in the way, because there were six paladins and only five Lions.

Shiro had been the leader from the start, patient and confident in both himself and his teammates.

Allura was the royal princess of Altea, and she progressed in her role as the Blue Paladin much faster than the others. She had magic powers and the ability to operate wormholes. Without wormholes, it would take days, months, or even years to get substantially anywhere.

Coran was the advisor, and the team's 'Space Uncle,' as they called him. He had an encyclopedic knowledge of the galactic universe, and knew practically everything. Coran also helped to pilot the Castle of Lions, and took care of the Castleship's operating systems and kept everything clean.

Keith was the best combat fighter, preferring hand-to-hand over the Lions. And even though he was hot-headed and impulsive, he was the most instinctual person Lance had ever met.

Pidge was the hacker, knowing almost everything about science, math, and technology. She could hack Galra databases to get information for the team, and all without leaving a trace or tripping alarms.

Hunk was the engineer and the voice of reason. He was in charge of preparing food for the team, and he helped to lift the tension of certain situations, even though he carried a lot of his own stress as well.

And out of all of them, Lance was the least important, right? He was the seventh wheel, as he so secretly called himself. The best he could do was pull the trigger on a gun, and anyone could do that. 

He had gone to Keith for reassurance that he was needed on the team, but the black-haired boy had only indirectly scrutinized his math skills and told him not to worry about which Lion he flew. Leave it to Keith to think Lance was talking about the Lions, which, in a way, he was. But deep down, the entire thing had been about Lance's self-esteem. Lance had opened up to Keith, had shown him a tiny piece of how he really saw himself, but Keith had brushed it all off and thought it was about business.

Honestly, Lance suspected that Keith would focus on that anyway, but not to that extent. He hadn't expected him to ignore his vulnerable state, especially since Keith was the one who hated to show his own vulnerability. He thought that Keith would understand the most about hiding insecurities and closing off from the others, but apparently Keith was a little more oblivious than he thought.

What hurt more was that Keith had taken that as an opportunity to run away again. Lance could understand wanting to help the Blades with the investigation into some strange quintessence, sure. But the other part of Keith's reasoning had been that he wasn't needed now that Shiro had reestablished his bond with the Black Lion, and boy did that sound familiar. Keith should've listened to his own advice instead of worrying about which Lion he flew.

When he said this to the team when they convened on the bridge, Lance felt tendrils wrapping around his lungs and constricting tightly, disbelief and moroseness bubbling beneath the surface. How could he? Lance _trusted_ Keith, thinking that he could lean on him for support, but that shoulder pulled away before Lance could even begin to feel slightly assured.

Lance sighed into his pillow, curling his head and chest into it and squeezing his arms tighter around the soft cushion. He sat with his back leaning against the wall behind the inner side of his bed, the aqua blanket pooling loosely in his lap. A slight stinging sensation blossomed behind his eyelids, vision blurring as he screwed his eyes shut. The others were most likely on the bridge searching for Oriande to gain knowledge of Altean alchemy or something, based on what they were talking about before Lance slipped away unnoticed.

Throwing the blanket from his lap and swinging his legs over the side of the bed, feet greeting the coldness of the metal floor through his socks, Lance made way for the door. He aimlessly wandered the Castle halls, wondering if his friends ever realized that he was gone, wondering if they even _cared_.

Probably not, he decided.

He didn't even realized that he had been going to the hangar until the automatic doors revealed the Red Lion, sitting proudly in all her fiery glory. She purred warmly as he drew closer to her.

"Hey Red," Lance said shakily. "How's it going, beautiful?"

**I've been itching for some action.**

Lance chuckled. "Yeah, I bet you have been."

An insistent presence nudged him gently, and Lance remembered that Red could read his mind, undoubtedly being stubborn and wanting him to open up. Sensing that he realized what it meant, Red moved from her sitting position, front legs bending as she slowly dropped into a crouch. She lowered her head to the floor and opened her jaws, and shut them once Lance traveled up the ramp and into the cockpit. Lance dropped into the pilot's seat, curling up into a ball as Red's conscience wrapped around him like a warm, fuzzy blanket.

See, the difference between Red and Blue was that when Blue used to comfort him, it felt like laying your face against a cool pillow on a hot night. Refreshing, relieving, and calming. Blue was very motherly, quick to comfort and reassure her paladin, and empathetic. Whatever her paladin felt, she understood and felt, even though those feelings didn't affect her performance in battle or general views. Yet, she could be as stubborn as a little kid, not cooperating as well if her paladin didn't say exactly what they wanted from her or if her paladin thought that they could do everything without Blue. Lance had only recently figured out that Blue wouldn't comply if her paladin treated her as just a machine, when Allura told the team what happened to her after they got separated on that planet filled with red synthium nitrate.

Red, on the other hand, was also stubborn, but that was just how she was. She acted on her instincts and her paladin's instincts, and she could be impulsive and hot-headed, too. Opposite of Blue, Red felt like sitting in front of a fireplace, wrapped in a blanket, with a hot cup of cocoa in your hands. She was fiery, but it was easy to find comfort in that. Well.... except for maybe everyone who had gotten on her bad side. Lance had expected Red to be blunt at first, but he was surprised to find that she was just as caring as Blue. The only difference in that aspect was that Red's views and battle performance _could_ be changed by her paladin. In this case, as Lance distanced himself from the other paladins, Red also began to distance herself from the other Lions.

_(Secretly, Red used that as an opportunity to pay more attention to Lance and care for him—)_

Lance brought his thumb across his knuckles absentmindedly, swiping it back and forth. He did this a few more times to calm his nerves a little as he was submerged in Red's purring waves of concern. 

"Yeah Red, I just—" His voice hitched. "I just wish they'd care, y'know? Like, I know I'm inadequate and just an extra, so them treating me like that makes sense, but I'm human too. At first I thought it was just because they got annoyed by the confident front I put on for them, but haven't they noticed that I just gave up a while ago?"

Lance ran a hand through his hair, sinking further into his seat.

"I've been having dreams over the past few days, dreams where the team leaves me behind or kicks me off. I'll be caught and thrown into a Galra prison and they'll just find another Red Paladin, or Keith will come back and rebond with you while Allura stays with Blue, and I'll be thrown out an airlock. Shiro will murder me with his Galran arm, or the team will abandon me on a random planet. Stuff like that."

He paused.

"Is it...... Is it, bad? That I'm starting to not like them?"

Lance curled tighter into himself, eyes gliding shut. Dull, phantom pains pulsed in the back of his head, feeling as if it were being filled up with water. They sat at the bottom of his skull, thudding in and out as if they were everywhere and nowhere.

Red crooned sadly, not wishing to see her paladin like this.

**It will get better, Leandro. One way or another.**

Lance felt a tear slip down his cheek.

_I hope so, Red._

_I really hope so._


	5. Chapter 4 // They Must be Waiting For You to Move On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance has a run in with Shiro and notices that something seems off. Red has an argument with the other Lions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think that friends by chase atlantic is a little too fast, and i found a [perfectly slowed version of it here](https://youtu.be/o0pY9bMr_kM)
> 
> that's the version that this chapter identifies with, so if you listen to the songs while reading their corresponding chapters, then that's what you should listen to

——————※——————

_"Wish you'd let me stay_

_I'm ready now _

_I'm not ready_

_Eyes heavy now"_

_~ Friends (slowed) by Chase Atlantic ~_

——————※——————

Several hours had passed by the time Lance finally descended Red's ramp and, with a light wave in the Lion's direction, left the hangar. The hallways of the Castleship seemed infinitely tall, tall enough to obscure the ceiling in shadow. The halls were dark as a result of the Castle's day and night cycles, and the blue lights had dimmed a fair amount. As far as Lance knew, it was a little after midnight, and fatigue tugged at his limbs, knees trembling and fingers aching.

He trudged his way through the halls, arms wrapped around himself and white hood over his head. He was a little over halfway to his room when he stopped suddenly at an intersection, listening.

_(Waiting—)_

_(No, it was probably just the sound of metal creaking as the Castle floated through space—)_

_(But, he was so sure—)_

Lance stiffened as he heard a faint thrumming and a click. Then footsteps in his direction. Slapping a hand to his mouth, he looked around. There was nowhere he could hide, and he couldn't run away without being seen. So he stood there with baited breath. He knew it was most likely one of his team members or Coran, but for some reason Lance couldn't distill his anxiety.

The figure in question finally made their appearance, and nervous blue eyes met cold, dark grey ones.

"Lance? What are you doing out of bed?" The tone was harsh, accusatory.

"Oh, Shiro! I uh, I couldn't sleep, so I thought I would get out my energy with a little walk," he replied shakily, trying to fight the urge to turn and flee. Lance was never usually this jumpy around Shiro, but ever since he returned, an unsettling sense of apprehension burrowed into his gut.

"Well, you should head back to your room. If you are in a physiologically exhausted state at any time, it will only hold the team back and hinder our progress." And with that, Shiro turned stiffly and marched towards the bedrooms.

Lance hesitated before calling Shiro's name. The former_—no, current, he remembered with a sting—_Black Paladin turned around with a brow raised, almost exasperatedly. Lance worked up the courage to ask the question that plagued him since the first second Shiro spotted him in that gloomy corridor, nerves skyrocketing higher the longer he stood in Shiro's presence. 

"Why are you awake?"

Shiro's gaze hardened.

"I couldn't sleep either. I decided to patrol the hallways to make sure that everything was in order before going to bed." He spun around and disappeared into his room without another word, leaving Lance to stand there like a scared puppy.

Lance whipped around towards the direction Shiro had come from when he heard a second whirring click.

About thirty or so feet away, one of the panels on the wall was outlined in a soft blue light before the light faded away, as if nothing had ever happened in the first place.

Lance cautiously shuffled over to the space where he had seen the outline of the panel glowing, and tapped at it experimentally. The tiny crevices that separated the oddly placed panel and the rest of the wall flickered with that Carolina blue color that he'd grown so accustomed to. The panel made some sort of humming noise, clicking a third time as the panel cover slid smoothly down to reveal..... something. Lance didn't know how to describe it.

The space looked like a tiny little factory, illuminated microchips and wires that were orderly placed taking up every space he saw. He leaned in to get a better look, but his face smacked right into a cerulean, floating keyboard that popped into existence at that exact moment. 

Lance let out a small yelp, forgetting for a second that the others were asleep just down the hall. He quietly squeaked in alarm as he realized that, _oh yeah, it's about one o'clock in the morning, let's just wake everybody up and deal with a group of five pissed off people for the rest of the day!_

_Stupid._

Lance tapped the panel again, and the keyboard disappeared, panel sliding up and clicking into place as it glowed for a mere tick before the light faded. 

Lance bit his tongue.

What had Shiro been _doing?_ Did he even know _what_ he'd been doing? Back at the Garrison, he had held the title of famed professional fighter pilot. And, as far as Lance knew, he only had to work with the many buttons and levers of a space shuttle, although he most likely would have only needed to press one or two buttons every few hours. He never said anything about knowing how to navigate and work with Altean technology...

_Something's not right._

A small part of him said to not think that way, that this was someone he could trust because it was _Shiro_, and that he was just letting his anxiety get to him.

But, Lance realized, this wasn't the Shiro who first came with them to the Castle. 

The Shiro that Lance knew never emotionally returned. He wasn't this cold, stony, apathetic dictator who had screamed at him to stay out of team matters, even though he _was a part of the team_.

... Right?

Lance shivered, not wanting to dwell on that right now. He just wanted to sleep. The automatic doors slid open as he approached his room, and he slipped inside. Lance flopped onto his bed, not bothering to change out of his clothes. He was too tired to care at the moment, shifting under the covers to get comfortable. He let out an exasperated huff through his nose, the warm puff of air hitting his cheeks once bouncing off his pillow. 

Reaching over to the hollowed out, rectangular space _(well, shelf—)_ on the wall behind his pillow, his fingers felt for something, grabbing the headset he stole from Pidge a while back. Fumbling with them for a few ticks, he unwrapped them and grabbed the Altean phone device that Coran had given him. 

He swiped onto his personal music playlist, the one he so lovingly titled 'Requiem For The Seventh Wheel'. He tapped shuffle, and the first song that began to play was Friends by Chase Atlantic. Lance burrowed deeper into the mattress before slowly drifting off into darkness behind his eyelids.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lance jolted awake, arms tingling with pins and needles. He was on fire, inside and out. 

_Did something happen?_

Panic almost set in before he realized that his bond with Red had become heightened. She was anxious, upset, and angry? Lance quietly snuck up on her through the bond, trying to find out what was bothering her. For a second, he thought that maybe Keith was in danger and being reckless as usual, since he still had traces of his bond with Red, but then the source came to light.

Red was mentally flicking her tail back and forth in annoyance. She faced the other Lions through Voltron's bond, trying to hold back a growl.

**_Red, you can't keep this up._** Was that the Black Lion? **_It won't do us any good._**

**You can't tell me what to do.** That was definitely Red.

**_We need someone stronger._ **That was the Green Lion.

_**I hate to agree, but they are right.** _Blue. **_You must let him go._**

** **

Who were they talking about?

**He is my paladin, and it's not up to you to decide his fate with me.**

**_He's weak._** The Green Lion again. **_He only drags them down._**

** **

**He is NOT weak!** Red snarled.

The Black Lion let out a firm rumble. **_It would be better if they had someone else. Someone like Keith._**

_Wait, what?_

Red's claws slid out. **DON'T bring him into this. He isn't my paladin any more. Leandro is mine, and mine only. I won't let you decide who I take in and who I refuse.**

_The other Lions don't.... want me?_

Red's ears flicked backward, her head turning around in Lance's direction. Her eyes glimmered with alarm and concern.

**Lance?**

And then Lance was brought back into reality, cut off by the other Lions.

He sat there in shock. 

_Why—_

It hurt more coming from Blue than the other Lions. Red curled around him comfortingly, purring apologies, sorry that he had to see how the other Lions had been acting. They'd never acted this way before, and Red was pissed, Lance could easily see that.

Lance soon found himself standing in front of her in her hangar.

_Thanks for standing up for me, Red._

**I won't let them take you from me.**

_I know you won't._ He smiled sadly.

Suddenly Allura's voice rang out through the intercom. _"Paladins! A Galra base has been attacked by Sendak, and they've asked for emergency assistance! Get to your Lions, I'll explain the details on the way."_

Lance quickly ran to his room and shuffled into his armor. He sprinted all the way back to Red, who lowered her head for him as soon as he reentered the hangar. He ran inside and hastily sat into the pilot's seat, grabbing Red's controls. She stood up and fired her thrusters, blasting out of the hangar and into open space. He was the first one out, not having to wait long for the others to get there.

The other Lions seemed to train their eyes on Red, not the paladins themselves, but the actual Lions. Lance could feel Red glare back, not willing to back down. 

_"Alright Allura, what's the situation?"_ Shiro asked through the comms.

She answered, talking about how the Galra base was stationed in a planet's orbit, and that once every two or three days they had to shield against an intense radiation beam. Sendak and his Fire of Purification group had attacked and knocked the shield plates out of alignment, leaving them unable to protect themselves and the planet from the beam. The base had contacted Voltron to ask for help.

Lance sat back, unwilling to participate in the conversation, instead opting to look outside Red's windshield at the stars.

_The other paladins don't want me on the team, and now the Lions don't either. I knew I wasn't cut out to be a paladin._

Red growled a warning at him, hating that he thought like that.

**I don't think that.** She nudged him. **I don't know what's wrong with the others, but they are biased.**

_I just don't know what I've done to make the others change their mind about me._

**You haven't done anything. The other Lions and paladins are just unwilling to see that.**

The comms grew quiet as the semi-shattered base came into view. Lance sighed, feeling as if something were about to happen, something life-changing.

Or perhaps life-taking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UH OH SPAGHETTIOS


	6. Chapter 5 // Lost In The In-Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Red come to a conclusion. A decision between them is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead
> 
> hi i'm sick i feel like shit here's the chapter bye

——————※——————

_"So, when I lose my gravity in this sleepy womb_

_Drifting as I dream, I'll wake up soon_

_To realize the hand of life is reaching out_

_To rid me of my pride, I call allegiance to myself"_

_~ still feel by half alive ~_

——————※——————

The last thing he remembered was an electric, searing pain all around him.

"Ughh......" A voice groaned. It took him a few minutes to realize that the voice was his own. Forcing himself to open his eyes, he glanced around fuzzily. A hazy, black and blue landscape surrounded him, full of stars. The ground looked like it was made of frosted glass, and the sky reminded him of blue goldstone.

_ Where am I? _

** _Who_ ** _ am I? _

Everything came flooding back in an instant.

The fractured, disassembled plates of the Galra base shield, shattered by Sendak's ship. The radiant energy beam that could destroy the planet below without that shield.

Allura and Lance working together to weld the plates back in place. Something that went wrong with Shiro. The bolts of energy that appeared soon after, threatening to hit Allura. Lance screaming Allura's name and pushing the Blue Lion out of the way, putting Red and himself in danger instead.

The lightning coursing throughout his very being. Seeing white and black dots dance in his vision as he felt his soul being violently ripped from his body. His connection to Red fading as he succumbed to blinding white numbness and a deafening ringing noise.

Was that what it felt like to die?

_ Am I..... dead? _

Suddenly, Lance felt the need to turn around. And so he did.

A red and white lioness stood before him. It was much taller than a normal lion, but somewhat shorter than the Lions. This lioness had glowing, pupilless yellow eyes, and its red, white, and black markings matched the Red Lion. Except this creature wasn't a sentient, mecha robot. The lioness growled low and nervous as she looked around, and Lance realized that he could sense Red's bond in her.

"Red?" He asked, bewildered.

**Lance! **The lioness turned to him and bounded forward, pressing against him.

"Why are you here?" 

She was silent for a moment, frowning.

**I'm sorry.**

"So I really am dead, huh?"

**If it helps, I'm here too. We're both in the Astral Plane.**

"But then how are the others going to form Voltron?"

**I have a feeling they wouldn't be able to form Voltron anyway...**

"What about Keith— wait, what do you mean?"

**Leandro.... There's something that's been going on that we can't ignore.**

"Okay.... what's going on?" Lance asked.

**You are already aware of how your fellow paladins make you feel. They hurt you, and make you feel worthless. I know that you've felt that way since before you enlisted into the Garrison, Leandro. You are so selfless, young cub, letting everyone lean on you while refusing to lean on someone else. You've thrown yourself in harm’s way to save another, not caring about what could happen to you.**

**But the others don't see that. They ridicule you, and they don't seem to care much about you. You have so much potential inside that they don't bother to let you unlock.**

Lance felt that familiar wave of sadness wash over him.

"But, what does that have to do with Voltron?"

**Voltron cannot be formed without all the Lions, yes. But it also can't be formed if ** **there is a rift between you and the others. **

There was silence for a minute. "We can't fix that, can we?"

**The damage has already been done.**

He smiled thinly at his feet.

**If we can't fix the rift, the best thing is to accept it and work with it.**

"Are you saying—" Lance cut himself off, surprised.

**Yes.**

Lance flailed his arms, gesticulating while he reeled. "But— but the Galra—"

**We will save the universe first. Then we can break away.**

**Do not pick and choose a side if you do not want to be there. You, Leandro, shall be on your own side, and we will stand up for each other and no one else.**

Lance gazed warmly at Red, who bent down. She touched her forehead to her paladin's forehead, purring. Both Lion and paladin smiled as the soft light around them grew brighter.

Until there was nothing but white.

Opening his eyes, Lance saw a blurry, unstable image of a figure in standing over him in Red's cockpit. As his vision grew clearer, he recognized the figure to be Allura, donning her pink paladin armor.

Lance forced a smile. "You saved me."

She brought back his life, but no one could ever take back the hurt that Team Voltron inflicted upon their Red Paladin. If only Allura knew the hell that Lance would put Voltron through in the near future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO
> 
>   
[i'm your nightlight.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22633813) is officially up! so if you like soft klance comfort then that's the one-shot for you!!! i cried while writing it wgefrfwffefgd 
> 
> i swear you won't want to miss it 
> 
> [emperor palpatine voice] do it


	7. Chapter 6 // Cross My Heart and Hope to Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance's pain continues to grow, beginning to slowly morph into anger. Another crucial character steps into the scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm
> 
> there's a lot of symbolism in the beginning of this chapter

——————※——————

_"But I'm running out of friends_

_They just left me here for dead_

_Heaven fills the empty space_

_Maybe time will keep this place"_

_~ holy cross by fog lake ~_

——————※——————

He wasn't sure how long he'd been here, but all that Keith knew was that he was dreaming. 

He was definitely dreaming the beach he stood on, and the bright blue ocean in front of him that danced as if filled with joy. From looking at the sky, Keith could tell that it was late afternoon. The sun was going down.

His first instinct was to find shelter, but here there was no need, as it was not real. Keith stood watching the sunset the way he used to from his old shack, but as the sun began to disappear behind the horizon, the ocean waves became more torrential as everything grew darker from the large, rolling storm clouds.

Keith took a step back as lightning struck somewhere behind him, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the hurricane that wrenched water this way and that, roaring in grief and anger. He probably should have looked back though.

The first thing that he noticed was the heat.

At first it was barely there, only noticeable if you really paid attention. It began to grow very slowly, almost unsure. But it rose to high temperatures soon enough, not being able to hold back any longer.

"What the—"

Keith turned around and came face to face with a large wall of fire. It crackled and scorched as it surrounded him, trapping him from all sides and whipping his hair in all directions.

High above him, he saw a pair of two glowing, yellow eyes glaring at him. For a tick, he thought he saw a very faint red silhouette around them, but the flames crept higher and the fumes stung his face. The eyes brightened substantially as a loud, murderous snarl echoed throughout the air.

And then, every noise became muffled. Distorted, almost as if Keith was underwater, even though he _wasn't._ Something snapped, and his heart crumbled. Everything hurt.

_Pain_

_Loss_

_Despair_

** _Betrayal_ **

This feeling was something he'd experienced before, but it had never been this intense. Somehow, he could tell that the emotions weren't his own, yet they _were_. They didn't belong to him yet, as if something in the future would cause him a great deal of grief and longing. For what, he wasn't sure.

And then he heard them.

Faraway whispers, muttering something incoherent.

_What were they saying?_

The whispers grew in volume, becoming more frantic as Keith struggled to understand what they were saying.

** _Never again._ **

** **

** _They're lying._ **

** **

** _Don't listen to them._ **

** **

** _Hate is your friend._ **

** **

** _Leave them._ **

** **

** _Hurt them._ **

** **

** _Hurt them._ **

** **

** _Hurt them._ **

** **

** _Hurt them._ **

The voices all merged as they wailed that one sentence, leaving Keith stiff with horror, even though he just knew that these messages were not directed at him. 

The voices became just one voice, one that Keith thought he recognized but couldn't place how. It was speaking from behind him, and he turned around to face whoever they were. 

"Keith!"

He jolted up, head knocking into something hard. He yelped and drew back, holding his forehead as he caught sight of the metal ceiling he had smacked into.

"Are you alright?" His mother, Krolia, glanced at him from the seat next to him as she piloted the Altean pod _(he had taught her how a while ago—)_. "You were muttering in your sleep, and you sounded like you were close to panicking."

_Oh._

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine, it was just a really strange dream..." 

"Okay, well just so you're aware, we should be arriving in about a varga or so." 

Keith nodded and sat back, wondering what the hell that dream was all about.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the plates had been realigned and the shield had been repaired, Shiro, Allura, Pidge, and Hunk met with Lieutenant Lahn inside the Galra base. Allura had insisted that Lance go back to the Castleship and into a healing pod, just to be safe. He argued, of course, but her stern glare made him shut his mouth, heart cracking. Red was a little sluggish, but otherwise unharmed.

Once he set Red down in her hangar and exited her hulking, metal frame, Lance removed his helmet and turned to look at her. She rumbled lightly, concerned for him. 

Lance sighed and hung his head, eyes closed and brows furrowed. His jaw clenched and his hands tightened their grip on the blue helmet he held. The corners of his eyes stung, and Lance opened them to frown down at his reflection in the helmet visor. At the big, dark circles under his eyes, and at the wetness that prickled the corners of his eyelids. He scowled.

"Why me?" He asked no one in particular.

"Why am I always the one who," Lance's arms shook as he clutched his helmet even tighter, a snarl on his face. "Who has to mess _everything_ up?"

"If it weren't for me, things would've gone a lot smoother and the shield could have been fixed much earlier. I wouldn't have hindered everyone by _dying_, and Allura wouldn't have had to leave her Lion to revive me. I fucking wasted their time."

**No you didn't.**

Lance scoffed, the action sending small white dots scrambling along his line of vision. "Well they sure didn't seem to care."

Red rumbled. **Either way, the princess is right. You need a healing pod.**

He frowned again, knowing that they both were right. 

"... Fine. See you, Red."

Lance headed down to the infirmary, decidedly not going to bother Coran, who was monitoring the paladins' situation through their comms. Besides, Lance already knew how to operate the healing pods.

He removed his armor and, placing the pieces into a neat pile, stepped into the medical suit. Lance sidled over to the pod's panel, tapping across the keyboard to set up the healing process before stepping into the pod. The glass veil shimmered and closed in front of Lance, allowing the cold mist to wrap around his bones and lull him into darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before Lance was aware that he was awake and that the healing process was done, he felt himself tipping forwards. His hands shot out on instinct so as to avoid a broken nose, legs stumbling. He rubbed his forehead groggily once he regained his balance and groaned, shivering slightly.

Forgetting about his armor for a second, he started for the door just as the Castle lurched suddenly, sending Lance toppling onto his side. 

_Dios, what now?_

Stripping off the healing pod suit and shimmying into his Paladin armor that he had left next to his pod, Lance ran out of the med bay, steps fumbling a few times.

There were no blaring alarms, no booming instructions to get to the Lions, no more shudders. It was quiet, with the exception of Lance's footsteps.

He burst into the bridge after several minutes of twists and turns, earning him three wide-eyed glances _(though there were four other people in the room—)_. Through the large observation windows, Lance saw Allura and Lotor's quintessence ship disappear into the rift gate, the white light swallowing it whole.

"Oh..." He panted as Coran anxiously turned back around to watch the gate, worried for Allura. "Sorry for barging in like that guys, just thought we were being attacked."

Shiro ignored him completely, his frostily blank gaze still fixed ahead, never once acknowledging him.

"Nope," Pidge said, eyes never leaving her computer, most likely monitoring the quintessence ship and stability of the rift. "That was just Allura and Lotor leaving the hangar."

Hunk smiled. "That's okay, Lance, I would've thought the same thing."

Well, at least somebody didn't completely hate him.

But, then again, this was Hunk. He was nice to everyone, especially when he pitied them.

The group of five stood around, arms crossed and feet tapping. About six or seven doboshes passed, tension increasing by the tick. 

A loud, quick beeping split through the atmosphere like butter, and Coran jumped into action.

He tapped the consoles once, and he gasped.

"It— it's an Altean pod! A really old one! What's it doing all the way out here?"

Shiro remained unperturbed, his stare still fixed unblinking ahead.

"Let's find out."

Coran requested a comm link between the Castle and the pod, albeit shakily.

"Attention Altean pod," Shiro addressed. "Identify yourself."

An extremely fast series of beeps, lasting only for a fraction of a tick, sounded as a new screen popped up for everyone to see.

And—

"Shiro, it's Keith."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys, probably: HOLY JESUS CHRIST OLIVIA, IT'S KEITH [cue theories]
> 
> me, from behind my screen: mmm yes here comes the klangst train, choo choo bitches 
> 
> also, i'm probably just gonna time skip over that whole keith vs kuron / lotor vs voltron thing. i don't feel like writing it and it would literally be just the episode, i wasn't planning on any big changes for that.
> 
> so next chapter will just skip to when voltron is on that asteroid and allura restores shiro's essence from the black lion 
> 
> it might take a while for me to write though, because i have several lab write-ups i need to finish, i'm going to be starting a history essay soon, a whole bunch of graphics design assignments, a series of birthdays are coming up within the next 3-4 months so i gotta make some art for them, blah blah other shit i gotta do 
> 
> [sighs]


	8. Chapter 7 // What's Happened to You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith knows that something's off with Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's summary was going to be more lighthearted, but i changed it because this chapter is kinda sad
> 
> it was going to be this:  
"lance practices his social distancing, keith doesn't see the point since they're in space"
> 
> i'm sorry, this is my sixth week in quarantine and it sucks
> 
> **tw for blood and gore, starting at "Usually the paladins would just knock their opponents unconscious....." and ending at "Luckily, his eye had been narrowly missed."**

——————※——————

_"They gouge you out, they dug you in_

_They took the name right out of your mouth_

_Hollow heart, your hollow heart, you know_

_Worlds apart, and we're worlds apart"_

_~ Black Gold by Foals ~_

——————※——————

_"I don't have time for this, Lance!"_

He should have known better than to hope.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As it turned out, Lotor had created at least two Altean colonies somewhere beyond the Quantum Abyss, inhabited by the Alteans that had been away on exploration assignments and scouting missions during Altea's obliteration. He had lied to the Alteans when they were scanned monthly to determine whether they were qualified to travel to the second colony, which didn't allow for communication or anything between colonies.

The Alteans believed that they were just going to a different home, but instead, the second colony was where Lotor harvested their quintessence, which was why Alteans were scanned. So that Lotor could detect which ones had the quintessence he was looking for and whisk them away, draining their bodies of life.

Allura was furious, as she should be. But Shiro suddenly began acting weird, attacking his teammates and bringing an unconscious Lotor towards an escape pod. Lotor's generals boarded his trans-reality ships and quintessence ship, leaving soon after.

Voltron was formed once Keith regained his bond with the Black Lion, but somehow Lotor's ships were able to deplete the Lions' power cores. They were held back even further as a purple wormhole opened for Shiro and the generals. Haggar had gained the abilities from Oriande, opening the wormhole from afar.

Voltron wouldn't be able to reach it in time before it closed entirely, so they disbanded the Lions, giving Keith the boost needed to send him through just in time, even if it meant that he would be the only one on the other side.

When everyone _(minus Keith and Shiro—)_ got back to the Castleship to charge the Lions, the Castle apparatuses shut down one by one as an unknown virus wreaked havoc in the systems. Pidge managed to isolate the virus and attempted to destroy it before it destroyed the ship. The virus came back with a vengeance not even five seconds later, apparently being programmed to dodge her protocols.

She noticed something and desperately took off for the main teleduv, the others following her. They watched anxiously as she did something with the teleduv, which was about to blow everything to oblivion at any tick. Pidge killed the virus once and for all, leaving the others to question what she did and why she didn't do it in the first place.

She said that she had recognized the signatures of the virus. Back before Shiro disappeared, she scanned Shiro's arm to search for any inside information on the Galra and made a copy of its coding. Being the paranoid teenager she was, she created a kill protocol for his arm in case something like this ever happened. She never thought she'd have to use it.

The team was shocked of course, but Lance secretly realized that he had always known that something was off. He chose not to say anything.

Hunk, Pidge, and Krolia helped Coran manually restart the Castleship's power core and engine, while Allura and Lance stood on the bridge to run the reboot sequence. Keith got back into contact with them, telling them that Shiro was a clone and that Lotor was heading towards their position. Realizing that Lotor wanted to access the quintessence field again, the paladins needed to destroy the inter-reality gate.

They would try to hold Lotor off as best as they could while Keith tried to get back to them. The Lions fought Lotor and his Sincline ships, but his generals realized they should cut ties with Lotor for good, leading them to be ejected from the ships. The ships transformed into Lotor's own personal evil Voltron.

The Lions were almost destroyed when Keith, having unlocked the Black Lion's Ephemeral Blades, suddenly appeared out of nowhere, allowing Voltron to be formed. They defeated Lotor, even though several rips in the space time continuum threatened to destroy everything. The Castle was the only thing on hand that generated enough gravity needed to close the rips, so the paladins loaded as much as they could into the Lions before sending the Castle into the thick of the rifts.

The Castle compressed into a tiny diamond and the Lions were landed on a nearby asteroid, Shiro's conscience being moved from the Black Lion into the clone body through Allura. They needed to build a new Castleship, and Pidge's dad was the only one with the blueprints, meaning they would have to head to Earth via Lion road trip. They decided to stay on the asteroid just to rest briefly before heading out.

So that's where Lance was now. Keeping quiet and to himself as they gathered Faunitonium to charge the Lions. He saw Keith give him a weird look when they returned, but Lance didn't care, really.

He found it harder and harder to care with each passing day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keith watched as everyone headed for their assigned Lions for the night, with Lance quieter than Keith was used to. Krolia came up to him from behind.

"The blue one is different from how you described him."

"Huh?"

"From what I've heard, it's unnatural for him to be so quiet and withdrawn."

"Oh, right, that. Unnatural, yeah..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keith sat in Black's pilot seat, which reclined so that he could sleep more comfortably, but he couldn't stop his mind from wandering. Looking out at the stars from the cockpit, he thought back to earlier and recounted the recent events that had transpired, and for some reason his brain was stubbornly fixed on Lance.

Lance was acting kind of weird.

Did something happen? Did Keith do something wrong?

No, Lance was probably just tired, and a lot of things had happened in the last twenty-four hours.

But he had been closed off since Keith had first arrived back to the Castle, so maybe it _did_ have something to do with him, even though Keith couldn't recall doing anything that may have set Lance off.

How much time had passed for the team again? It had been two years for Keith and Krolia because of the time dilation in the Quantum Abyss, but what did that mean for the others? He hadn't exactly asked how long it had been for the rest of the team, so he couldn't be sure yet of what could have happened in the time that passed for them.

Keith threw an arm over his eyes and groaned. He was too tired for this.

He closed his eyes and lay there for a while with no luck of clearing his head.

Black rumbled through their bond, softly like a lullaby that took over his mind and soothed him.

_Thanks, Black._ He was out within minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week came and went, passing by quicker than Keith had expected, considering they spent every minute cooped up in the Lions without stopping to rest on some moon or planet. Everyone made use of their time by chatting together on the Lions' comm channels, conversation topics ranging from serious to extremely mundane. But Keith noticed a lackluster of contribution from a certain paladin sitting in the Red Lion's pilot seat.

Lance had remained.... silent... for the majority of their trip so far. His comms were open and still connected to the other Lions, as Romelle was currently joining in on the discussions from over Lance's shoulder. It had been a week since that whole ordeal with Lotor and the Castle and Shiro's clone, Lance couldn't still be trying to process. He was usually always the one who could deal with these types of things better than the rest of them.

They eventually came to a planet that was, inconveniently, under Galra control. Luckily, there was only a singular base, so it would be easy to take it out while they were there.

The group would sneak in, leaving Romelle, Shiro, and Coran back with the Lions, and destroy the base from the inside. Pidge would hack into the security systems, Keith and Krolia would plant explosives on one end of the base, while Hunk and Allura would do the same on the other side.

And Lance? Fucking by himself.

Lance headed in the direction of what he assumed was the control deck, surprisingly only having to take down a few sentries at a time. He arrived at the control deck, shooting the hand scanner to override the door.

Stepping inside, Lance shot the only sentry in the room, catching the attention of the two Galra lieutenant in the room.

"Hey!" One shouted, and they both ran at the intruder.

Usually, the paladins would just knock their opponents unconscious, but Lance just wasn't in the mood anymore.

He sent a blast towards the nearest Galra and hit him point blank, blowing his skull open and sending him flying from the force of the blow. Blood and bits of brain matter scattered as the lieutenant fell to the floor.

Lance's gun shifted into a broadsword as the other Galra got close enough, surprising the soldier for a tick. Taking the opportunity, Lance ran him through, sinking the blade deep into the Galran's chest. The lieutenant's eyes widened as he wheezed in shock and agony, before the life left his body completely and his limbs went limp. Lance removed his bloody sword from the body just as he heard a low rumbling noise.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

Lance turned to face the newcomer. He was clad in Galran armor, and he looked like some combination of Ulaz and Sendak. From the intimidation in his eyes and bulked up armor, it just had to be the commander. He dropped into a fighting stance, bayard going rigid at his side.

"Blue Paladin, where are your friends?"

"Actually, I'm the Red Paladin."

"No matter. All I know is that I'm going to enjoy this." With that, the commander lunged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Where is he?_

Keith stood with the other paladins several miles from the base, waiting for everyone before detonating the bombs. They had been about to press the button when Keith noticed the absence of Lance.

"He better not have gotten lost," Pidge remarked, and Keith glanced at her. She had been anxious to get back home. They all had.

The doors to the base opened, revealing a figure. It was too far away to tell exactly what or who it was, but it became clearer as it got closer.

Slowly, the dust and the slowly decreasing distance revealed lanky legs, blue armor, and blood.

A _lot _of it.

Lance carried his helmet in one hand, and a newly unlocked scythe in the other. Dark, drying blood coated the weapon and was spattered across his chest plate. None of it looked to be his though, except for the large wound across the left side of his face. It would definitely scar over, and it ran from the bottom of his jaw, jagging upwards and ending just above his brow. Luckily, his eye had been narrowly missed.

But probably the most concerning of all, Lance looked _murderous._

As Lance approached, Allura tilted her head a centimeter. 

"What about the commander?" She asked.

Lance didn't look at her, just continued walking.

"Dead."

Lance suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder and stopped in his tracks. Still facing forward, he saw red armor and black hair in the corner of his eyes.

"Lance, are you okay?" Keith asked, his voice laced with concern.

Lance stood still without looking behind him, debating with himself on what to say. He shrugged off Keith's hand from his shoulder and moved forward again.

"Just blow it up."

No response came, just the sound of a major explosion from behind a few seconds later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was kind of late, i wanted to post this chapter the other day but it was my birthday and i was spending time with my family so,,
> 
> yeah i turned 16
> 
> but anyway i've had that galra base scene planned in my head for at least a year


	9. Chapter 8 // You Know That I Can't Be Anybody Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith tries to look for answers, but so far he isn't getting any.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at that! another chapter so soon!!

——————※——————

_"Now I know I breathe for a reason_

_Now I know I write from the mind of a teacher_

_I used to watch the sheep as they wait for a leader_

_Now I guess they found out who I am"_

_~ Black Sheep by Jacob Lee ~_

——————※——————

After that mission, the team had avoided Lance like the plague, even after all the blood had been washed from his armor.

They refused to even look at him, and that really pissed him off.

Keith was the only one who still looked his way, but he would look at Lance like he was a puzzle. Calculating glances were sent his way as if trying to figure him out, and Lance was positive that there was something akin to concern.

If Keith and Lance ever locked eyes, Lance would glare and look away.

_I don't need your pity._

The wound on the left side of his face had scarred over, leaving behind a large jagged line that, to Lance's credit, made him look badass.

Studying his reflection in the visor of his helmet, Lance realized something about the looks on his teammates' faces whenever he was nearby.

The others were _scared_.

Lance smiled.

_Good. _

_Let them be scared._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keith squinted through the thin smoke that billowed from the camp fire. Hunk had managed to make something equivalent to Earth marshmallows, handing them out as Pidge and Shiro dished out some of the wackiest stories about Matt. Lance had decided to head to Red early for the night, giving Keith the perfect chance to ask the team about him.

Krolia, Romelle, and Shiro wouldn't be able to give an answer, and Coran had fallen asleep in his sitting position.

Allura, Hunk, and Pidge all glanced nervously at each other.

"Lance is fine," Pidge said while Allura nodded.

Hunk piped up. "Yeah. He's probably just focusing on getting back to Earth."

Keith frowned. That would make sense, except—

"Well then what about that Galra base we destroyed a couple weeks ago?"

"I, uh..."

"Um..."

"He was most likely.... tired?"

_That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard._

Keith sighed and stood up. "I think I'm going to go to Black, we've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow." And without another word, he turned and started for his Lion.

Lance used to be so happy and carefree.

Black crouched and lowered her head for Keith to enter her jaws. Halting between Black's teeth, Keith turned around to look longingly at the Red Lion sitting across the clearing.

_What changed?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everybody say it with me...
> 
> "keith has no idea what he's in for"


	10. Chapter 9 // I Couldn't Figure Out The Words You Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally nothing goes on in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys, but keith has to be a little airheaded in this fic because i want it to hurt more when lance reveals himself

——————※——————

_"All this time you've been faking_

_Won't you tell me what it's all about?_

_If only I could read your mind_

_You keep saying we could work it out"_

_~ So So LaLa by Strange Talk ~_

——————※——————

_ **« 6 months later »** _

Lance wasn't sure when he had first started to realize that this was fun.

Because this was fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If something had been off about Lance before, something was definitely wrong now.

The first third of the journey had been completed at this point, but there was still about an estimated year left to go. There were more conflicts than they had predicted, draining the energy of the team. Heavy limbs and eyelids from stress and lack of sleep left the paladins weary, tiredness dragging at their bones like the ocean tide.

Now, they were about to leave one of the planets that they had been staying at for a day or two. Team Voltron had just finished loading new supplies into the Lions and were now ready to disembark. Keith had been side-eyeing Lance the entire time, and he was pretty sure that Lance was aware of it.

A splash of pink and white in the corner of his eye told him that Allura had jogged over. "Keith, we're all set to go." 

Keith waved a hand. "You guys go on ahead. I just need to talk to Lance, we'll be right behind you."

She nodded, and the Blue, Yellow, and Green Lions soon were up in the air. Keith looked at Lance, who had his back turned as he made his way to Red.

Lance had become more violent, and he isolated himself even more. The void between him and the team was vast, and it only grew larger with every passing quintant.

At first Keith had blamed it on exhaustion, seeing as it had a big effect on everyone else, but exhaustion couldn't make someone resort to first degree murder rather than solving things as peacefully as possible.

Right?

"Hey Lance?"

Keith was certain he saw the boy stiffen before turning around with a smile on his face, looking a little strained as Keith approached.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah I'm fine! Why?"

Keith twiddled his fingers.

"It's just, you seem kind of... different? These days?"

Lance's eyes darted away.

"Oh. I guess I'm just trying to do everything I can to get home."

Keith frowned. "I get that, but what about the... um, the thing... with the," he stuttered, trying his best not to be blunt, but it slipped out anyway. "The violence."

If Lance's eye had twitched, Keith didn't catch it.

"Ha ha, well this trip is causing a lot of pent up frustration, I think, and there isn't much else to do. Maybe that's just how I'm letting it out? And maybe since I want to get to Earth as soon as possible, I kill enemies instead of knocking them out and tying them up because it's faster?"

Lance looked a little unsure, but Keith had always had trouble differentiating between the nervousness of being put on the spot and the desperation of trying to make excuses.

"Are you sure that's all," Keith asked skeptically, "it's got nothing to do with the team?"

Lance's close-mouthed smile stretched even further across his face.

"Uh-huh, I'm sure."

The Black Paladin looked at him for another moment. "Okay. You know you can talk to me if there's anything else that's bothering you."

Lance nodded.

"Can you promise me that you'll do that if you need to?"

"I promise."

Keith smiled at him before walking away towards the Black Lion.

He didn't see how Red and Black had been leering at each other with fluorescent, flinty stares.

He didn't see how Lance's expression had dropped and settled into a cold glare.

He didn't see how Lance's smile had relaxed into a small grimace.

He didn't see how Lance's hand had dropped down from behind his back.

He didn't see how the index and middle fingers of that hand were wrapped around each other, crossed.

He didn't know that Lance had broken their promise before it had even been made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> other than keith being an absolute utter DUMBASS,
> 
> LOOK AT MY BADASS BABY BOY
> 
> hell yeah you go, man! that's right, keep on misleading keith!!
> 
>   
in all seriousness though, despite the fact that it's annoying to have keith being totally ridiculous and absurd, and trust me, it's really painful to write and makes me want to tear my hair out. i need him to be like this so that it can really shred up his feelings when lance actually turns on voltron.
> 
> here, look
> 
> option a  
**lance, finally revealing himself and beating the shit out of voltron:** fuck u  
**keith:** i mean, i kinda suspected it so...
> 
> or
> 
> option b  
**lance, finally revealing himself and beating the shit out of voltron:** fuck u  
**keith, rattled, dismayed, and ultimately just shattered in general:** well shit what the fuck is going on
> 
>   
(or maybe a mix of both??)
> 
> look me in the eyes.
> 
> look me in the eyes and tell me that keith figuring everything out, helping lance, and convincing him to not betray them _wouldn't_ ruin the whole story
> 
> (i WILL invade poland if anyone actually tries to argue with me in the comments)
> 
> because then what would be the point, ya know?
> 
> a story about betrayal is a whole lot juicier and angstier if the characters are completely blindsided when the person who they thought would be unconditionally loyal no matter what, ends up being the one to double-cross and backstab them.
> 
> and now that that part is out of the way
> 
> my high school is seriously considering reopening in the fall, but everyone would have to wear masks at all times, rooms are limited to a certain number of people, and desks would be placed 6 feet apart AND I CALL BULLSHIT
> 
> i understand that the administration wants to reduce the risks as much as possible, but wearing masks and sitting 6 ft apart isn't going to prevent the virus entirely
> 
> germs are everywhere. whether you wear a mask and/or wash your hands, germs are still going to get on your arms, legs, body, hair, etc. 
> 
> you can still get infected even when taking precautions, people are just relying on methods of false security
> 
> so if you want to reduce the risks as much as possible, maybe uhhh DON'T SEND OVER 300 PEOPLE INTO A CLOSED PUBLIC BUILDING
> 
> but at least the administration will let students who don't feel comfortable stay home and continue our online distance learning, so it looks like that's what i'll be doing
> 
> ANYWAY
> 
> sorry for ranting
> 
> comments and kudos fuel me!! love you guys <3


	11. Chapter 10 // There's No Sense in Waiting for Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several years have passed since Keith confronted Lance. Lance prepares to declare vengeance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm too lazy to draw the plots of canon out any longer, so the reveal will be sooner than i had originally planned
> 
> also allura is alive because i need as much team angst as possible

——————※——————

_"I'd find an answer if I wanted to_

_I'd be a dancer of a different tune_

_I won't get entranced_

_I will be changing soon"_

_~ Hollow by Cloudeater ~_

——————※——————

The journey had been long and harrowed. The lines between night and day blurred together by the minute. It had become harder and harder to form Voltron, but they managed to do it when it was direly crucial. Lance noticed that he had been relying more on his scythe than his blaster or broadsword.

And finally, _finally,_ they had reached Earth, defeated Sendak, figured out Honerva's plan, and set out to destroy her. Allura had planned to sacrifice herself in order to undo all of the damage Honerva had done, but it turned out that the spirits of the original paladins had not actually passed into the afterlife yet. So they sacrificed themselves instead of Allura, bringing balance to the universe one last time.

A whole two years had passed since Keith had confronted Lance during the trip, and never once had Lance he talked to Keith like he 'promised'. Keith was really worried, and understandably so. Lance had refused to talk to just about anyone, seeming to only care about eradicating the last of the enemy space pirates.

At the moment, the Lions were under heavy fire from one of these space pirate fleets. The Atlas was currently on its way to provide back up, but had yet to arrive. 

Over the comms, Pidge grunted. _"I don't know if we'll be able to take much more without Voltron!"_

_"I still don't understand why we can barely form Voltron now, like, yeah we've been able to do it when it's super important," _Hunk babbled._ "But we're so close to ending this war. Shouldn't that be considered important? I think it's pretty important."_

Keith's thoughts drifted to Lance, and he was pretty sure he had an idea of why. "I don't know, but for now we'll have to manage on our own until the Atlas arrives."

As if on cue, the proud, white bow of the Atlas came into view, sending a thick, blue beam into the swath of enemy ships. Shiro's face popped up into the Lions' video feed.

_"Paladins, sorry we're a little late. How are you holding up?"_

_"We're under heavy fire," _Allura replied, _"We may have to retreat."_

Shiro nodded. _"Alright. Allura, head back to the Atlas and create a wormhole so we can get out of here."_

_"Roger that."_

The Blue Lion whipped around and made way for the large ship, leaving the other four Lions to hold off the pirates until the wormhole opened. 

In the cockpit of the Red Lion, an idea began forming in Lance's mind. Red sensed the idea and determination coursed through the both of them. 

The blue light of the teleduv shone as Allura's wormhole appeared, and the Lions set on their course for it. The Atlas went through first, Allura keeping the wormhole open from the other side, and the Green and Yellow Lion followed soon after. The Black Lion stopped just before going through when Lance yelled out.

Keith turned around to see Red being hit with a particularly strong laser, and the Lion went limp. 

"Lance!" He called as the Red Lion was drawn into the orbit of a nearby moon and began hurtling into its atmosphere.

_"Keith, I can't keep the wormhole open for much longer! You have to enter!"_ Allura yelled through the comms.

"But, Lance just got hit! We can't leave him!"

_"Keith, I'm sorry but you have to!" _Shiro chimed in. _"He'll be fine!"_

The Black Paladin looked back and forth between the wormhole and the Lion that was sure to crash. With a guilty glance behind him, Keith drove Black through cerulean tunnel before it closed completely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lance hadn't actually been hit by that shot sent his way. Red purposefully let it graze her to make it look like she had been hit, and pretended to look like they were going to crash. Thankfully, the space pirates left without investigating.

Before they could hit the surface of the moon, Lance punched the thrusters and Red pulled up, landing gently on the ground.

Lance patted her console. "Okay, good work girl."

Red purred at him. 

"Do you think you can send our coordinates to Keith?" 

**Mentally?**

"Yeah, and only to Keith."

Lance felt her presence quieten as the Lion reluctantly reached out to her former paladin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We have to go back for him!" Keith exclaimed.

Shiro put his hand on Keith's shoulder. "And we will, but right now we need to focus on the locations of the remaining pirates and make sure they don't threaten any innocent planets. Besides, we were in and out so fast that we didn't have time to add the coordinates to our logs."

"But—" Keith began to protest.

"I'm sorry, Keith."

Keith glowered, turning on his heel and stomping away to his quarters. What would happen to Lance now? Would he think the team abandoned him? Keith was more pissed off now that he didn't have time to grab Lance before the wormhole closed. And now the way that Lance had changed since Keith returned from the Quantum Abyss worried him even more.

The automatic doors to his quarters closed behind him after stepping inside the room. Keith plopped down on the mattress of the bed with an irritated huff.

Then he felt a grumbling sensation in his head that he hadn't felt in years. 

It was a warm presence, but felt more like hostile fire now rather than the welcoming kindling he had known from the past.

The Red Lion was reaching out to him, and Keith wasn't sure if that was supposed to be a good or bad thing. Keith had tried to connect to Red a few times during the last few years, but was always violently thrown out. Was Lance in trouble and Red was trying to call for help? Or was Lance.... out of commission, and Red was distressed?

A set of coordinates flowed into the river of his brain, and Keith realized that Red was giving him Lance's position. 

_Oh, thank God._

As much as he wanted to get back in the Black Lion and retrieve Lance, he knew Shiro was right. But Keith also knew that they could beat the space pirates even easier with Lance.

Keith snuck out of his room and slipped down the halls towards Black's hangar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Did you send the coordinates?"

Red rumbled in assent, and Lance turned to face the sky.

"Good."

It was finally time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL KNOW WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN


	12. Chapter 11 // Now There's an Empty Hole Where You Were Long Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith finally finds out exactly why Lance has been acting different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is only the beginning 
> 
> the beginning of the end
> 
> **tw for some violence and a very subtle breakdown??**

——————※——————

_"Why did you change?_

_Why did you bend and break?_

_When the water turned to wine,_

_Did it feel the same?"_

_~ Structure by Innerpartysystem ~_

——————※——————

By some miracle, Keith had managed to get to Black and leave the Atlas without any intervention. He inputted the coordinates into Black's dashboard.

**This may not be a good idea.**

"What do you mean? We have to get them back."

**There may be more to this than you aren't seeing.**

Yet again, Keith thought back to the changes he'd seen in Lance.

"I know, but I don't care."

Black reluctantly sped up towards their destination, and after about ten minutes they came up on the small, desert moon that Red had been hurtling towards just hours before.

"Okay, let's head down there and hope he's alright."

Keith brought the Black Lion into the moon's orbit, bringing up scanners and keeping his eyes trained on the surface for a crash site or the Red Lion.

He soon spotted her and started to fly towards her.

But, Keith realized, there were no signs of a crash for miles. Red was sitting with her head high, as if she had landed normally.

_That's weird, they should have crashed after taking a hit like that._

Then, his eyes finally caught the figure standing in front of the Lion, back turned as they faced Red. Keith landed Black nearby and ran out towards Red.

"Lance!"

The figure turned very slightly, just enough so that Keith would be able to see part of their profile if they weren't wearing a helmet.

"Lance come on, I'm taking you back to the Atlas. Red can still fly, right?"

"Yeah," Lance said lowly, "she can still fly."

Keith nodded. "Okay, well let's—"

"But I'm not going back."

_Wait, what?_

"What?"

Lance didn't look behind him. "You heard me, Keith."

Yeah, but did he hear him _correctly?_

"Wha—" Keith fumbled, his tongue tripping over itself and his thoughts turning into endless streams of _huh?_ "What do you mean you aren't coming back?" 

He didn't answer.

"Lance, you can't leave! We need you." _I need you,_ he almost said.

A pause.

"No," Lance turned to face him, bayard transformed into a pistol _(since when did he get that?—)_ and aimed at Keith. "You don't."

Keith barely had any time to bring up his shield, and a shot grazed his arm. He grunted at the heat that burned away parts of his armor glove as it passed. 

"I don't—" Keith couldn't process words right now. "Why—"

"Come on, Keith. Isn't it obvious?" Lance sneered. "I'm leaving Voltron. I haven't been a part of it for years anyway."

"I, I don't understand..."

The shadows in his eyes grew more violent. "Of course you don't. You aren't the one who's practically been estranged from the team, and you don't have to try proving yourself worthy countless times over only to be cast aside. You're not the one who wants to show them what you're made of, and make them regret how they treated you."

That was way too specific for Keith's liking.

"..... Is that why you've been more distant?"

"I'm surprised you even noticed."

"But, why are you doing this?"

Lance made an outraged noise. "For fuck's sake, Keith!" He yelled dangerously. "Put the pieces of the puzzle together! Connect the fucking dots!"

The violence and the frequent killing.

The growing void between Lance and everyone else.

The cold demeanor that had taken over.

Attacking Keith, saying he would leave Voltron and make them regret treating him badly. 

_No..._

_Please no..._

"Are you..... betraying us?" Keith asked quietly with horror in his voice.

Lance held his gaze with one of the most malicious glares he had ever seen.

"Yes."

With that, Lance summoned his scythe and ran at Keith, who scrambled to bring up his sword. Keith blocked the attack with a parry, the blade of Lance's scythe coming dangerously close to nicking Keith's eyebrow. Lance must have known that Keith was terribly off guard, because he sweeped Keith's legs out from under him and sent him onto his back. The sharp end of the scythe pointed down above Keith's jugular, and the Black Paladin found himself staring up at Lance, heartbroken as the Red Paladin fixed him with a cold stare.

"Lance, please. Don't do this..."

"Oh, I won't kill you, not right now at least. I need someone to deliver the news to the team, and they'll listen to you."

So instead of ending Keith's life, Lance cut a long line across Keith's chest and splitting his armor, not enough to kill but enough to send the message.

Lance stepped back, allowing Keith to struggle to his feet and run back to the Black Lion in shock.

Lance turned to Red as the Black Lion jolted into the air, and smiled at the rush of corrupted triumph he felt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the Atlas came into view of the Black Lion, a request to open a comm line appeared on Black's screen. Keith accepted, and Shiro was on the other side of the channel.

_"Keith! Where have you been?"_

"I know you said we couldn't go back for Lance, but—"

_"So you went anyway?"_

"Listen, the Red Lion sent their coordinates through our old bond, and protecting planets from these space pirates would go a lot faster with Lance. I couldn't not go."

_"So then, where is Lance? You said you got the coordinates, but he isn't with you?"_

Keith paused. "I'll explain later, I still don't know exactly what happened."

He set Black down in her hangar, and Shiro stood inside the doorway to the hangar with several other Atlas staff. Black opened her maw to allow her wide-eyed paladin to amble down the ramp.

"Keith, you're bleeding!" Shiro turned to one of the other staff as he supported Keith. "We need to get him to the medbay now, go fetch the medics!"

About a minute later, Keith was situated onto a transportable medical bed and was being wheeled down to the medbay. The other paladins appeared in the hallways and ran alongside them, expressions frantic as they asked questions.

Keith tried to answer but was told to hold off until he was fixed up. They got to the medbay and the medics took his blood pressure, heart rate, and checked for any other injuries before cleaning the shallow chest wound and stitching it up. They wrapped it with bandages and advised Keith to get some rest.

Shiro, Hunk, Pidge, Allura, and Coran were then allowed into the room to visit and ask what happened.

"What were you even doing away from the Atlas?" Hunk asked.

"The Red Lion sent me Lance's coordinates, so I took the chance to go and retrieve them."

Allura made a face. "But, he isn't here?"

Keith steeled himself. "He said he isn't coming back. He's leaving Voltron."

"What?" Pidge demanded. "I'm sorry, but that's just absurd."

"Yeah," Shiro agreed. "That doesn't sound like Lance."

Keith suddenly felt a wave of irritation wash over him. "Well, you'd think that after pushing him aside and acting as if he barely exists, it would seem like the best course of action."

Everyone was silent for a moment, the realization of their actions finally catching up to them.

"Lance said that he's going to make us regret what we've done... He's betraying us."

Tears welled up in Keith's eyes.

"I should have known. I— I _knew_ he was hurting and I _knew_ that something was wrong but I didn't do anything about it. This— this is all my fault."

Shiro set a hand on his trembling shoulder. "No, you didn't cause this. It is not your fault."

"But I could have _done something!_ I could have helped him, and I—" Keith bit his lip and hung his head shakily.

"I didn't."

_I should have known._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so if you were confused as to why lance pretended to crash but also sent keith their coordinates? 
> 
> basically, lance saw the opportunity and took it, making it look like he got separated due to crashing as a way to get away from voltron. BUT, lance decided to send keith his coordinates because he knew that only keith was the one who still seemed to care and would be stubborn enough to go after lance on his own.
> 
> so lance separated keith from the others in the subtlest way possible. he targeted keith because he would be more affected than the others since he cared so much. i also just felt like it would be more effective to have lance attack keith and have keith tell the others instead of lance just telling them himself, like a game of messenger almost 
> 
> i don't know if that made any sense but whatever 
> 
> don't worry guys, we still have a loooong way to go


	13. Chapter 12 // I Am Ready to Follow You Even Though I Don't Know Where

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team looks for Lance, but it doesn't exactly go the way they hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy july 4th here's your present 
> 
> forgot to mention this before but altea didn't pop back into existence after the team defeated honerva because THAT'S SOME BULLSHIT

——————※——————

_"And I look up to the sky_

_And I know you're still alive _

_But I wonder where you are_

_I call your name into the dark"_

_~ Frozen Pines by Lord Huron ~_

——————※——————

"We have to go after him."

"But Keith, we—"

Keith glared at Allura from where he sat at the table in the conference room, and she promptly closed her mouth. "We're going to find Lance no matter what. He may have turned on us, but that doesn't mean the Red Lion has. She could be doing this against her will."

Pidge pushed her glasses up on her nose with her index finger. "The Lions are sentient, so the Red Lion could have just locked him out."

"Well, we can't take any chances. We need to make sure, because if Red is being forced to do this, then it will be easier to talk some sense into Lance when he and Red are separated."

"_If_ we can talk sense into him..." Hunk said regretfully.

"Now get to your Lions. It's better to go now than later," Keith declared before turning and walking to the Black Lion.

The four Lions took off and flew in the direction of the moon where the incident happened. They orbited the small celestial body at least four times but there was nothing and no one in sight.

_"He left... Lance could be anywhere by now."_ Allura said dismissively, turning the Blue Lion around as if to make her way back to the Atlas, but the Black Lion got in her way.

"We're not leaving," Keith growled. "Not until we get at least a clue of Lance's whereabouts."

_"... Fine."_

About an hour later, the Lions _(minus Red, of course—)_ were still in the process of scouring the area around the moon. They had split up for efficiency and so far had found nothing.

_"It's weird,"_ Pidge commented after attempting to locate and lock onto the Red Lion's signature._ "It's like they've completely dropped off the grid. Like Allura said before, Lance could be anywhere by now."_

Keith glared at her through the video feed when she repeated what Allura had said. Pidge met his eyes and backpedaled.

_"N-no, I don't mean it like that. I'm not saying we should give up, I'm just saying that it's a realistic possibility. You were in the medbay for a few days, so the distance that Lance could have traveled in that time would be significantly farther than the area that we're searching right now."_

_"She has a point,"_ Hunk added, sounding almost upset.

Keith looked down at his feet. Hunk, Pidge and Shiro had all felt guilty when they realized how their actions had affected Lance. "I mean, I guess so."

Allura on the other hand...

_"Does this mean we can turn back now?"_

"Allura, why are you so against finding Lance? Ever since he... attacked me, you've been very dismissive about it."

Allura looked to the side abashedly. _"I'm sorry, I truly am. It's just, this whole predicament has been reminding me of when Zarkon turned on my father. But now that it's the Red Paladin turning on us, I can't help but wonder what would have happened if it had been my father instead of Zarkon..."_

Keith understood that, he really did, but that didn't mean he approved of the way she had been treating the situation. She had been very nonchalant about the whole thing, which isn't really the type of reaction from somebody who claimed that they were being reminded of their past, especially if that past had been full of loss.

Keith sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, okay. We just need to focu— gahh!" 

Something suddenly slammed into the Black Lion, and Keith realized it was a blue light. It felt more powerful than anything he'd been hit with before, but it was somehow familiar too. Black swerved around, looking for whatever had shot at them, and in the corner of his eye, Keith spotted two yellow glints getting closer.

A splash of red and grey collided with Black, grasping with claws and teeth.

The Red Lion.

Red kicked Black back with her legs and sent a large beam from her mouth towards the head of Voltron. The Lions had practically never been hit with shots from another Lion, only being barely grazed on rare, accidental occasions. This was an attack directed towards his Lion that was meant to hit him. 

And because they had never experienced being hit by the full beam from another Lion, Keith was blindsided by how _destructive_ it was. It completely disoriented him and Black, and she flickered a few times.

_"Keith? What happened?"_

"I think I just found Lance!"

_"Really?"_

"Yes! And I could _really _use some help!"

_"On our way."_

The Black Lion took a few hits since her paladin still seemed to be in shock from the recent events, and was a little too slow to react or dodge. The Red Lion turned as Yellow, Green and Blue came into view, and she fired her tail blaster at them.

_"Woah!"_ Hunk exclaimed in surprise as he, Allura and Pidge just managed to get out of the way. 

Allura tried requesting to open a comm channel with the rogue team member, but it was ignored. _"He won't answer my communications!"_

_"Same here!"_ Pidge hollered as the Green Lion narrowly missed a set of metal claws to her face.

Keith closed his eyes and began searching, searching, searching for his old bond with Red. It was very faint, hanging by a thread, but it was still there. He did his best to amplify it so that he could try talking to her, but was met with a scorching sting through their link.

Of course she knew the reason Keith wanted to talk to her. She knew that Keith thought she was being forced to attack against her will, thought that she would still be loyal to them. He was mistaken, and Red made sure he realized that by pushing images into his mind. Their bond wasn't strong enough to mentally establish a verbal communication anymore, but Red didn't mind.

_Red, please, is this what you really want?_

The connection dissipated as the last thread was cut, and Keith couldn't feel her anymore. Only the Lions could destroy the ties they had with their Paladins. Red had given him an answer through completely destroying what was left of their bond, and Keith's heart dropped to his stomach.

This meant that Red was doing this willingly.

She wanted to betray Voltron.

"Guys, I just contacted Red through what was left of our bond."

_"Is she still on our side?"_

Keith took a deep breath.

"No, she's turning on us, too. She— She cut off the last of our connection, Red destroyed our bond."

_"Oh no, this is bad. This is really really bad."_

And Hunk was right.

It was terrible.

Blindsided by this new information, the team struggled to evade attacks as Lance had upped the ante, most likely aware that Keith contacted Red.

The Green Lion had gone offline first after taking a particularly strong laser to the head.

The Blue Lion followed soon after due to one too many blasts from Red's tail.

The Yellow Lion was next when she also took a blast to the head, leaving just Black to fend off their former teammate.

Red hurtled towards them and Keith barely swerved away in time. He still didn't want to engage, but it looked like he was going to have to. Black tried to aim for Red, but the other Lion was faster. Red's front paws came into contact with Black and pushed her downwards towards the moon.

Red opened her jaws and a swath of cerulean erupted from them. The beam hit Black and helped push her further, her cockpit shaking with the turbulence. Red claws lifted off of Black's frame as the beam did its job of sending Black down.

"Aghh! Come on, Black!"

The Lion did not respond as they got closer and closer to the small moon. She went offline completely as they began to break the atmosphere, fire taking hold of them. 

Gravity was in control now.

Keith scrambled, trying to get Black to wake up. The surface of the moon was drawing closer and closer by the second.

"No, no, nononono—"

Keith's head hit the console and his conscience slipped away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now keith is hurtling down to the moon's surface ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> no, no one's dead
> 
> ... yet
> 
> i changed my mind i don't know the reason that lance had keith find out and tell the others instead of going for a surprise attack
> 
> i knew what i was doing before but now that the Time has Come and we are Here™, it's going to be more difficult for me to figure out what in tarnation i'm even doing anymore lmaoooooo
> 
> y'all are gonna hate me


	14. Chapter 13 // In an Instant, Your Predator Hands Reached to The Throat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith wakes up and the team contacts members of the Coalition, not expecting another run in with the Red Paladin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have never had a concussion before so please correct me or tell me if i forgot anything/should add anything to make it easier to understand
> 
> i do frequently get depression headaches, which i'm using as a point of reference, but i probably messed up somewhere ( ´༎ຶㅂ༎ຶ`)
> 
> **tw for mentions of blood, an assassination, and arson**

——————※——————

_"I buried your fangs in the heart of a deep well_

_Your mouth was on fire and bone sore_

_I knew you dug for years below the ground_

_You shouldn't be wild inside if you're a beast in the headlights"_

_~ Fangs by Little Red Lung ~_

——————※——————

Darkness was all that consumed him, but there was a small opening somewhere. One that nudged and prodded him, telling him that there was more out there beyond this cold abyss. There was more to existence than darkness. There was more out there, and it was saying _'wake up.'_

He would rather stay here, asleep and unaware, but the darkness was fading anyway.

It was extremely difficult, opening his eyes. His eyelids were really heavy, and everything was blurry.

He groaned.

Somewhat recognisable surroundings with figures moving about? Check.

Aching limbs? Check.

Black spots at the edges of his vision, threatening another possible blackout soon? Double check.

Irrefutable concussion? Check, check, and check.

He was most likely in the medbay of the Atlas again, and oh look, there's Shiro. And Krolia, and Adam.

The Black Lion was there, too. Her presence was quieter though, not because she was hurt, he realized, but because she didn't want to overwhelm him. Apparently the Lions understood what concussions were. Then again, they had been with their Paladins for several years now, it only made sense.

Why was he here again?

Black answered him, softly as to not upset his head injury.

**You wanted to look for the Red Paladin, but our sister attacked. I went offline and we crashed.**

Oh, right. Now he remembered.

"Keith, you're awake!" Shiro said a little too loudly.

"Ngh, hurts." Keith managed to weakly bite out, screwing his eyes shut at the disturbance.

Shiro's voice dropped to a guilty whisper. "Oh, sorry."

"S'okay. Concussion, huh?"

"Just a small one."

"Mm," Keith mumbled at the pressure that his brain put on his skull. He didn't feel like doing anything but laying quietly, but he had to know, "what about the others?"

Krolia answered. "They're fine. They were discharged two days ago, since they were in better shape than you were."

"Why am I still here?" _That was a dumb question to ask, Keith. Gold star for you._

It was Adam who cut in next. "You crashed on a fucking moon. Allura, Pidge, and Hunk had just been smacked around a little and were stuck inside their offline Lions, floating in space." 

"Adam, language."

"You can't tell me what to do."

Shiro paused before smiling softly. "I know."

Krolia watched with amusement as Adam crossed his arms and lifted his chin. "Damn right."

"Lance?" The concussed paladin could barely recognize his own voice.

That sobered his visitors right up. As far as Keith was aware, Krolia and Adam didn't know about Lance's betrayal, only that something was up with him and that Voltron was trying to fix it.

"He—" Shiro started, unsure of what to say with Krolia and Adam in the room. "He wasn't there. We're still trying to get a ping on his location."

Krolia leaned in. "What were you attacked by?"

The answer was easy.

_Flinty, yellow eyes._

_Shining, curved claws._

_Splashes of red and silver._

_The Red Lion._

_And her paladin—_

"I can't really remember," he said instead. "Some space creature or something."

_Yeah, or something._

There was a soft knocking at the door, and Shiro stood up to make his way over.

"Who is it?" He called, doing his best to mind Keith's concussion.

The voice that spoke in return was lightly muffled through the door. "It's Veronica. Is Keith awake yet?"

The Atlas captain opened the mechanical sliding door as an answer, and the woman stepped in. Veronica looked like she hadn't slept very well in the last week. Her gaze carried a certain wariness, but worry seemed to outmatch it, and there was absolutely no doubt that the worry over a particular missing person affected the rest of the McClain family. Even in her clearly haunted state, Veronica still stood tall and confident, much like her brother used to, although Lance's confidence was tainted with something darker now.

It was a grim reminder of the person that Keith used to know, the person that had existed in the timeline before the journey into the Quantum Abyss. Keith missed that person. The one who would make jokes during moments of stress in attempts to relieve some of the tension, which often resulted in being ignored or scolded by someone who would say that _this is not the time to be fooling around, Lance. These are serious times that call for a mature attitude._

He missed the person who, despite going unnoticed, always tried his best and put as much effort as possible into everything he did.

He missed the person that Keith had come to know before leaving for the Blades, only to return and realize that he never knew this person at all.

He missed the person who used to seem so happy, but now, looking back, Keith couldn't be sure if it had all been an act.

"Hey," she whispered. "Did you find him yet?"

The McClains didn't know the truth either.

"No, we haven't," Shiro said. "We're still trying to locate him. Once Keith's concussion lets up, we'll be contacting and visiting Coalition members to advise them to keep an eye out."

"I'm fine enough to go now." 

"Keith—"

"Shiro, we're missing a paladin and a Lion. We need to find them as soon as possible, and my concussion isn't even that bad."

Shiro frowned. Keith frowned back. 

"Fine," he sighed. "I'll contact some of the members right now, but you need to rest while I do that. You can help when we actually need to travel to Coalition planets."

Keith nodded as Shiro, Veronica, Krolia and Adam left the room, allowing him to rest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Atlas hovered in space some miles away from planet Xenrlal, and the four paladins were being escorted to the biggest building in the city to meet with the leader, their Lions seated in the fields that outskirted the city. The large doors opened for them as they approached, and they were led down a hallway to a throne room of sorts.

The guards that had escorted the paladins stopped in the doorway and bowed.

"King Q'rnir, the paladins of Voltron have arrived to see you."

The king clapped his hands and smiled graciously. "Welcome, welcome! What brings you here today?"

"Your majesty," Keith began respectfully. "Something... happened, and we would appreciate if your people could help."

King Q'rnir paused as he looked them over. "Wait, aren't there five of you?"

"Yes, I was getting to that. Our Red Paladin, Lance, has gone missing. We just need your people to help keep watch for him and report to us if you find anything." There was no use in telling the full truth, they didn't want to spread panic at the news of a paladin going rogue.

"Of course. We will do our—" King Q'rnir suddenly lurched backwards, grunting as a flash of blue connected with his temple. Crimson liquid sprayed from his head, and guards rushed up to him. It happened so fast that there was barely time to process what was happening before Keith spun around.

He caught a glance of an armored boot, with blue and black markings on a white canvas, disappearing past the threshold of the door. Keith took off running.

"Where are you going?" Hunk hollered after him as he helped Allura and Pidge with the king dying on the floor.

"Stay there! I saw someone!" That was Keith's only answer as he turned the corner into the hallway, coming face-to-face with a few dead guards sprawled on the ground, heads lolling. He paid them no mind and tore past them, intent on catching up to whoever had shot Q'rnir.

Some part of him hoped it was the person they had been searching for, but another part really prayed that it wasn't.

As he stepped into fresh air outside the palace, he saw her.

Red was standing with her jaws lowered to the ground as a figure entered her mouth. She then lifted her head, seeming to glare at Keith, before her thrusters began to fire up.

Cursing, Keith ran as fast as his legs would carry him to the Black Lion. He stumbled a little as her maw opened to let him in, and he catapulted into the cockpit.

Black lifted into the air and sprang after the smaller Lion, just as Red fired her magma beam towards the palace, sending flames shooting up around it.

"Shit! _F__ucking_ _shit!_"

Thankfully, Xenrlalian citizens and guards had already been evacuated fairly quickly when they heard of the attempted assassination, and the paladins were outside, supporting Q'rnir's weight between them and staring in horror towards the Lion who had sprouted her fiery anger at the palace.

Keith couldn't hear the screams from his seat inside his Lion, but he knew they were emanating from the crowd as the crown jewel of the planet burned.

Red turned and jettisoned upwards, and Black followed. The others could handle the situation down below. Red climbed higher and higher, breaking through the atmosphere and boosting her thrusters at maximum capacity.

Black was gaining on Red, but Red swung around to face them at the last second, sending a blast to disorient them. When Keith and Black regained their balance, the Red Lion was nowhere in sight.

Keith's fist came down and slammed Black's console in anger and frustration. "No!"

Just like that, Lance had slipped away again.

This time, he had managed to take a few lives with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when you guys read, do you listen to the chapter songs too? just curious ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
